On Kindness

“Hey, I’m sorry to disturb you – but I just wanted to make sure you’re ok. You looked sad – are you alright?”

A young man stood in front of me. In one glance, he was easily identifiable as a techy freshman. He had the cute geek look, with a host of unruly dark curls, those sensitive eyes that see too much, boxy glasses, and just enough awkwardness to be absolutely adorable. 

I wanted to cry. Not because I was having a hard day (I was doing quite well, actually); but because I was so deeply touched by the fact that a perfect stranger cared that much.

“Is there anything in particular that I could pray for you about? Would you like me to pray for you now?”

I wasn’t sure exactly what to say. I mean, yeah, my life is always pretty complex. And both in my personal and professional world, I carry enough stories and burdens that there is always a potential for sadness if dwelt upon. However, my professors do a fantastic job at sharing our burdens both in and out of the classroom, as well as teaching us to allow our close friends in to provide support as well. And of course I’ve learned a lot about self-care. [Why else do you think I allow myself to budget a portion of every stimulus check for a weekly coffee shop date with myself? ;)] … If he had glimpsed sadness on my face, it was probably because I was watching several graphic tragic videos relating to our current class topics. [and everybody who knows me well knows how I am sooooooo emotionally affected by anything I watch/listen to. ha. the joys of being empathetic] But I wasn’t going to dump that on him. So I thanked him for the concern and steered the conversation towards a more normal “get-to-know-you” topic. I discovered that yes, sure enough, he’s a Cine/Production major. And his dream is to one day produce films that weave in Gospel themes, to impact people who have possibly never seen Jesus before. How cool. His passion and excitement were palpable, although right now he feels lucky just to be allowed to help control lights on a set. After a while, he’d removed his mask and we were laughing about power outages and being locked out of campus buildings at 2 AM. By the time he left, I felt like I’d gained yet another new friend. 

All because of his kindness.

I sat there pondering just how fortunate I am to continually be surrounded by so many kind people, and just why it always impacts me so much to witness genuine kindness. 

I remembered all the times I’ve lost friends when I let someone know I was going through a hard time, and I found out by their lack of support that they really didn’t care all that much. (or maybe they just didn’t have time). 

I realized that they weren’t very kind, and they lost my trust.

I was thrown back to an incident from years ago at a church in Canada, that I had forgotten about long ago. The youth group practiced diligently in preparation for a week of upcoming summer church meetings; I was quietly notified just before the meetings started that because I wasn’t a Christian, I wasn’t going to be part of the programs. I realized instantly that was the plan from the start, but they’d waited until the majority of the practices were over because they wanted me there so my musical skills and abilities could support my section of the choir. That was unkind. I felt so used. It hurt a lot. It had been a hard move as a young teen, and I’d already struggled to find a place although I had found a tiny handful of friends. And to this day, I struggle to trust any of the leadership there… The ironic thing about it? I was actually a Christian at the time, but I guess because I hadn’t started wearing a head covering and asked for baptism publicly it was assumed I wasn’t. To make it doubly ironic, I knew of several youth in the choir who were definitely not right with God at the time but because they looked right on Sunday morning, nobody questioned it… For months afterward, I would think about how if anyone in authority would have actually cared enough and taken the time to talk to me, I would have told them where I was at and what was going on. [it’s pretty obvious I don’t lack the ability to overshare, right? LOL] The conclusion of that story had the potential to turn out very differently, and make an entirely different impact on my life and my view of the church. 

All it would have taken was kindness.

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So, what does it mean to be kind? 

I don’t think there’s only one template of how to be a kind human being.

I have a dear brother who checks in on me mentally on a regular basis. I can know that if I’m ever in a dark scary place, he’s going to answer the phone and pray for me head to toe. [literally. which yes, can get very weird. but it also works so no complaints here.] That is one of the greatest kindnesses any human being has ever shown to me.

I have another dear brother, who is one of the biggest examples of generosity I know. He gives extravagantly and without record of whether someone “deserves” it or not. He might never be able to intuitively know that someone is hurting, but he gives without question when presented with a physical need. That kind of generosity only comes from a God-given heart of kindness.

I live on a campus where it is perfectly normal to be prayed over multiple times in a day. It’s also a normal occasion, no matter where you go in this place, to come across random circles of people with joined hands praying over a friend or something that is heavy on someone’s heart. That willingness to pause in any activity and any part of the day to lift someone before the Father, I consider an act of kindness.

I could go on and on. Maybe for ever. I love telling stories about the kindness I’ve seen. 🙂 

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I think in general, kindness boils down to two things: genuine love, and sacrifice. 

On my way to Agape Center where I volunteer, I often pray that God would grant me three things that day as we seek to minister to all those who enter our doors: the eyes to see, the heart to love, and the willingness to take the time. 

(Because as much as being the recipient of kindness touches me, I think being the giver of kindness brings me even more joy.) 

Recently I stepped into my supervisor’s role for a week while she was away on vacation. It was a blast, because organization and delegation are pretty natural skills for me that I rarely get to use in the role of leadership. It’s usually really hard to phase me when I’m in charge. But I am aware that in my precision and attention to detail in keeping everything running smoothly, it can be easy for me not to slow down enough to notice the person or need right in front of me. So I really prayed that week God would keep me aware and I would not lose focus on the details that really matter – the human beings around me. 

>>>

I came around the corner and was faced with Ms. Tina*, who was next in line to be ushered into the back for clothing, toiletries, & food services. She presented as visibly upset and impatient; and honestly my first instinct was to ignore her, glance at her charts, and just come back once I had an opening for her so I could pass her off to the next volunteer without facing potential conflict. You wanna know why? #1, I guess I’m as selfish as the next person. [surprise, surprise] #2, maybe because the possibility of her being upset at the wait time struck at an insecurity that I wasn’t doing a perfect job while in charge. [oooof]. My field instructor’s voice rang in my head “It [our job] is NEVER about us as the social worker – it is always about the client in front of us, no matter what the external presenting situation or conflict might be… Making it about ourselves is 1) unethical, 2) unprofessional, 3) selfish, & 4) a coping mechanism.” [Double oof]. I might also possibly have heard God’s little nudging in my conscience as I paused a moment. So I looked at Ms. Tina, smiled, and asked “Hello, Ms. Tina! How are you today?” She trembled a bit and fumbled with her hands and had no return smile. (oh boy. Here it comes. She’s going to rant about having to wait even though she barely got back here within the last 5 minutes!) “Well, to be honest, my anxiety is really bad today. I’m not feeling so great… I’m a little claustrophobic right now.” My heart did a complete 180 as I reached for her charts. I don’t struggle with physical symptoms of anxiety myself, but I have multiple friends who really do. “I’m really sorry to hear that. It looks like you aren’t stopping in the clothing rooms today, so let me see what I can do. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” In less than a minute I was able to confirm a volunteer was available, and return to escort her back. As I went on with my duties, I was struck by how quickly I’d made assumptions about the reason for someone’s agitation, and how easily I could have missed the opportunity to show empathy… Minutes later as I was using a free moment to organize restock in the back room, I caught a few faint phrases from down the hall “Do you all have Gatorade today?” I recognized the voice of Ms. Tina. Our volunteer replied in the negative with an apology. I make it my job to know pretty much every item on our shelves and in the stock room every day I’m there, so I ran a visual through my head hoping the volunteer was wrong. No…nope…no, BUT – I grabbed a case of drinks and went to find the source of the conversation. “Ms. Tina, sadly it’s true we don’t have Gatorade right now… but I do have these Vita drinks if you’re interested. They’re coconut flavored, but if that’s fine, you can have them if you want.” Her eyes welled up with tears and for a horrifying moment I thought she was going to collapse on the floor in a puddle. [I’m a female myself, but I really don’t do so well with crying females lollllll. Do I hold their hand? Feed them chocolate? Offer solutions? I really don’t know. I always feel like I greatly identify with the unknowing male gender in those moments haha]. “Oh, thank you so much. That is absolutely just perfect. Thank you. That is so kind of you. That’s just what I need. Thanks so much!” [I don’t do so well with knowing how to accept compliments either, so I scurried off to resume my duties as soon as I could, but…] That encounter with Ms. Tina stayed the highlight of my entire week. How kind of you. I thought about that a lot.

What nobody knew in that moment except me, was that my supervisor had told me just last week how those particular drinks were so unpopular she moved them to the backstock to make room for other items we received. So most likely I was one of the only people who even knew we had them. Knowing God’s track record at Agape, He probably saved them just for Ms. Tina in that moment. He does stuff like that all the time. But He needs people to work in accordance with His great kindness. And if I hadn’t stopped to listen, see, and hear the real need of Ms. Tina’s heart, I would have missed out on the opportunity to show kindness and witness one more instance of God’s huge, miraculous, never-ending love. I almost did. (Miss it, I mean.) And all because it’s easier to focus on myself instead of the human being right in front of my face. And also because I was almost too busy.

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Isn’t that one of our greatest downfalls? We’re just too busy – with church, with work, with our lives, with our families, or even with our “ministry” – to see the opportunities presented to us every.single.day.

That one Liberty kid, and countless others on my campus, have taught me by example what it means to be kind. To take the time to see, and to be willing to take the time to care. 

By the time I grow up, I want to be just like them. ❤  

2021 has the potential to be a year of healing, after a year of global chaos. It starts with us. 

Let’s start a new global trend, shall we?

#BeKind

Together, we can be the lights that cannot be hid.

I am so deeply thankful that God cares enough about me – who is NOT a naturally kind person [just ask any of the people I tormented as a kid. lol. talk about endless stories I could tell, yikes] – to teach me about kindness so gently. He is so gracious to so kindly change us from the selfish humans we so naturally are, as we follow His nudgings one little step at a time. 

Let’s not lose focus of what it means to be witnesses of His love and power in changing lives. 

Be Kind.

~Just Me~

*obviously, name changed to avoid sharing identifying information